Stephanie Chandler's reflections

I just finished reading over my silver book… the book in which everyone wrote me messages before we departed Mirror Valley. As I write this, summer seems far away, but the things I learned are on my mind. I miss the people. I hold Elkhart and Chicago close to my heart.

I’m thinking about our first few days at Mirror Valley. I was nervous heading to !Explore, knowing that I am generally shy, and I felt like it is very hard for me to connect with new people. I remember the warm welcome when we arrived, games of mafia, big booty, toki toki, and the campfires. These activities were good for me. I found a place in the group. I joined in, and I laughed, when normally I would sit on the outside, feeling shy in a large group. After a couple days, I was surprised at myself. At home my focus is often on being noticed. I’m loud and like to be the center of attention. I found myself being quieter, still a part of, but not the center of things. I remember being told I listen well. I was told that I wait to give input. This trait is never something I would have noticed about myself at home, but here at !Explore it was true. I liked this side of myself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My theological issue [ Why Does a Loving God Allow Suffering in the Lives of Those He loves?] is a question that was burning on the back of my mind long before !Explore; something that I had refused to address for fear of the lack of an answer getting in the way of my relationship with God. When I started looking for books on my issue, I found it incredibly comforting to know that I’m not the first, and certainly not the last, to struggle with this idea. I got to read many theories, many ideas, and stories of people who had let this question overtake their lives, and their faith. I loved talking with Christine [Guth (resource person at AMBS)]. She seemed to think about things in much the same way I do. She seemed to have found some sort of acceptance of the issue of suffering, and that was incredibly encouraging. I think my theological issue will always be a big part of my life. It’s a question I ask all the time. When I hear of someone dying of cancer, or of family breakups, or depression or poverty, I re-ask my question. I hope that I remember to continue asking my question because it’s when we don 't ask these questions that they start taking over and getting in the way. I also hope that I can continue to look for the good that God provides amidst the suffering.

On my last official day of work in the congregation, I preached a sermon. That morning, I was given a special bulletin, which made me think someone was up to something. It turns out that in every other bulletin was a bright coloured piece of paper encouraging members of the church to write me messages and put them in my mailbox. By the time I got to my mailbox after the service, it was almost overflowing. I ended my time with the !Explore congregational experience, driving home and reading words of encouragement, affirmation and kindness, off of coloured paper. I was exactly where God wanted me, and I want to continue following in His direction, no matter where that may be. Tears in my eyes and with a new amount of trust, I headed down that dirt road towards home, inspired.