Jacob Schlabach's reflections

The Man in the Subway

Reflections after the summer 2006 !Explore experience

On the last day, the Door staff instructed us to find a meal with a single dollar each, which we could only supplement with money we found or earned that day. Immediately we joked that we should try to panhandle in the subway by singing. Later, when the time came to get supper with our collective 10 dollars the Door staff urged us to follow through on our earlier joke. We were hesitant to sing in public, and it took some time to work up the nerve. Ultimately we decided that we would give any money we made to people who really needed it.

On our way back from our service project that evening we decided that the best place to panhandle would be in the underground tunnel connecting two train lines. It had excellent acoustics and anyone walking between trains would need to pass us. When we reached the tunnel we positioned ourselves at one end and began singing familiar hymns. After singing Siyahamba and Come Thou Fount we were surprised to have made a few dollars from passing strangers. As we continued singing we were further startled to receive five dollars from a curious woman who asked what we were doing. Amazed at receiving five dollars all at once, we were completely shocked, even to the point of laughter, when a woman gave us a twenty-dollar bill without saying a word or questioning what we were doing.

It was at this point that we realized that our actions were having unexpected consequences. Other members of the group noticed a man further down the tunnel also panhandling. If we were receiving such a large amount of money, how much were we taking from him? We decided to go down in the tunnel, give him a portion of the money we had received and sing with him in hopes of helping and also sharing in the experience of begging out of need.

When we approached him we noticed that he was blind and seemed to have other physical ailments. We asked if we could sing with him. He agreed and began to play the tambourine as we again sang Siyahamba. After we had finished the song, another person within the group suggested that we should sing Amazing Grace. While singing, we suddenly realized the implications of the line in the song, “I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see.” Many in the group were unable to continue to sing as they were overcome with powerful and conflicting emotions.

Though we sang with him nearly as long as we had sung alone, the people who walked by only gave the man, at most, a couple of dollars. When we finished singing, he shared in a broken, nearly inaudible, voice that he was begging because he had tumors in his throat and stomach. As he told us about his ailments he showed us the scars of surgery and explained to us that he was unable to afford the medicine he needed.

As we walked from the train station I struggled with both strong emotions and stronger questions. It had been touching to help a man with so much need by giving him a large portion of the money we had received earlier, and it was powerful to realize the implications of a song that we so often use in church. Yet I was troubled. Why had people been willing to give money at all to a group of well dressed teenagers singing in the subway? Why had people passed a man with so many obvious physical challenges to give money to a group singing heartily? And why had we, a group of white outsiders, received more money when we had been alone than when we sang with a disabled black man?

These questions and more have been plaguing my mind since leaving Chicago and the !Explore program. And now that my eyes have been opened to his plight he has been in my thoughts and prayers. I hope only that through this experience I, and others in the !Explore program, may have a positive impact on his life, and on the lives of so many others like him.

Jacob Schlabach
Faith Mennonite Church
St. Paul, Minn.