Jenna Buller's reflections

Mennolife

by Jenna Buller

Reflections after the summer 2005 !Explore experience

A little over a month ago I embarked onto a journey that would change my life, though I did not realize it at the time. This journey was the !Explore program that happens through AMBS in Elkhart, Indiana. The eighteen-day program was a little intimidating to me because it involved fourteen other youth from all over the United States. Being the introverted, shy person I am, I was not sure how I was going to fit into this enthusiastic group of youth.

But I was soon proved wrong. That first day all fifteen of the youth bonded together like we had known each other since birth; and thus began the spiritual changes in my life. Our group first spent a week at Mirror Valley Retreat Center in Michigan and the seminary getting to know one another and discussing our theological issues in small groups. The theological issue groups were an excellent way to ask and learn about the burning questions Mennonites and Christians in general face and desire to learn more about.

After that first week our group packed our bags and headed to Miami, Florida to participate in the Miami DOOR (Discovering Opportunities for Outreach and Reflection) program. Here our group volunteered in soup kitchens and non-profit organizations, serving the homeless. Some days it seemed like we were not doing anything helpful. For example I wrapped sporks in napkins for three hours and sorted mail for another four hours. Even if it felt meaningless and mundane at the time, when the group reflected on the days' events together, I could see God at work through even those small tasks of wrapping sporks or sorting through mail. The week in Miami passed very quickly. Yet the time there proved to me that even in the busyness of city life God can be seen everywhere if you only take the time in your day to notice Him.

When the !Explore group returned to the AMBS campus a week later, God again became more real to me through the chapel services our group planned for the seminary; through realizing our theological issue questions may never be answered but understood in a different light; and through the youth and event pastors.

The last couple of days of the !Explore program I really began to recognize a change within myself. I no longer felt like I was going through the motions of worshiping the Almighty God. Rather my faith, spiritual, and church life took on a new meaning and realness that has set a new foundation for me to grow on for the rest of my life. With God's presence in the !Explore program and being able to see His face in the youth and event pastors, I truly am not the same person I was a month ago. In the end, God worked through this program and through the youth to help me find a new joy in Christ that will be ever present in my life now and forever.