2009 Participant reflections

Below are excerpts from reflections shared by 2009 !Explore participants. That year,  youth and their pastors traveled together with AMBS students and professors to Mennonite World Conference in Paraguay. The 2010 group experience (16 days) will be centered in Elkhart, Ind.
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There was truly a deep spiritual bond that formed within our group, and I really felt that.  The structure of intercessory prayers that we used so often in our morning/evening worship times is an excellent example of this.  Near the beginning of the trip, our times of silence were long, however, as the days went by, the silence became shorter, and instead, the time was filled with people naming their prayers aloud.  At first, these prayers were largely about things that had happened on the trip, or people in our group who needed a little extra support.  However, by the end of the trip, all of us were freely praying about friends, family, our home church communities, and world issues.  There was a sense of trust in the group that I have never ever felt before.  That was powerful for me.

One of my worst fears before the trip was how I would relate to the others in our group, and how I would fit in as a part of the group.  It didn’t take long for me to realize what a wonderful blessing this group would be for me.  I’ve realized that there was no one in our group who I wasn’t comfortable talking to by the end of our experience together.  That's pretty incredible!  I just made about 30 new friends this summer, and they are relationships that I will always remember fondly. — Mary Castello

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I chose fasting/praying as my spiritual discipline because I have always wondered why it would help to not eat food.  I am very active by playing a sport pretty much year round, so food is pretty important to me.  It made me wonder why it was easier to focus when you didn’t eat, because I usually can’t focus when I have not eaten for any amount of time.

I addressed this goal by actually fasting and focusing on praying.  I learned that fasting doesn’t always mean giving up food, but it can mean giving up anything that is important to you and when you think about that, you should instead think about praying.  When I was fasting, I chose not to give up food because I didn’t want to mess up my body by not having energy for practices and games, but I gave up sitting in front of my computer.

After fasting and praying, I felt that the experience helped me grow in my faith by helping me learn how to focus on a certain thing instead of always doing what I want to do, because that always isn’t what God wants me to do.  That also ties in to my desire to serve because it isn’t always easy to desire to serve but by praying and focusing, it can be easier to hear God calling you to serve. — Greg Waidelich

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The final part of my church work was to prepare a sermon. Mary expressed interest in me giving a sermon on my theological topic—atonement theories—but I thought I would give a broad overview of my !Explore experience instead. I was partially afraid of writing a sermon on a topic I knew I was not an expert on. However, soon I realized that I did not need to be an expert. In the end I did as Mary had hoped and wrote a sermon on atonement.
The positive affirmation I received from the congregation was a special and new thing for me. In my sermon I was able to present a touchy topic in a comfortable way. Because of this I believe everyone greatly appreciated a fresh and simplistic view of such a heavy topic. Several voiced that they appreciated how I took a complex topic and was able to sort it out in an understandable way.
To me my sermon was a gift back to the congregation. I was able to bless them with some of what I learned and thank them for the role they played in supporting and helping me travel to Paraguay.  — Audrey Thill

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During my internship, whenever I needed to talk to someone to learn more about the life of our church or to support my efforts in another way, I found someone willing to help me and work with me.  The best example of affirmation during my internship was following my sermon in August.  At least half of those in attendance had something kind to say to me afterwards, and though this was a bit overwhelming, I could certainly sense that at least some portion of the people were receptive and genuinely appreciative of the message I had prepared and delivered, and there is almost nowhere else where my efforts are recognized like within my congregation.
Just to provide yet another example, Amy had asked me to gather a group of people to make up a support committee, to reflect and give me feedback on my work at church that summer.  Within a matter of minutes, I was easily able to find 5 or 6 people from across many cliques within our church who were willing to work with me and provide me with all the support I would need. — Dylan
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When I met with Loren Johns about my theological question, he taught me that gifts of the Spirit are physical embodiments of God’s grace—His love, His favor. That in order to have a functioning body of Christ you need a hand, a foot, an eye, an ear, a liver. That if everyone performed the same function, the body would die.
As I was learning all this, I thought about what it meant to be given the grace of God. What it meant to be, for example, an eye. What use is an eye if it’s closed? If the eye sees but none of the information is given to the rest of the body? What use is the love of Jesus Christ if not shared? I believe we are called to share God’s love with the body. I’ve always been secretly nervous sharing things I felt were from God with others. This is something I need to work on—an organ that is separate from the rest of the body will just wither and die, just like the body can’t function correctly without it. — Melanie Ruuska

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Meeting the entire !Explore group for the first time at Chicago’s O’Hare airport and not really knowing anyone was a new experience but it was exhilarating to meet everyone before we even began all of our flights to get to Paraguay.  I found that through talking to the other people in the group, we had things in common, besides all being Mennonites, and began to make connections on a more personal level than the biographies we had shared over the AMBS website. When it came time to speak my first words of Spanish in a new culture, I had no idea what to do or how to say “yes, please.”  Because I had met others in our group who knew Spanish, they were able to help me order our dinner.

At Mennonite World Conference, I was able to attempt speaking in French to a man from the Congo; we knew a few words and were able to communicate. This was new to me, as I had never tried to speak Canada’s second national language outside of the French classroom. I figured out that the best way to meet people is to just walk up to them with a simple "hello."  — Ben Smith

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One day in particular was really powerful for me. It was the day we were instructed to “dream big about the future of the church.” My dream for the future of the church is “The ability to disagree in love and discern with patience—together with God and the Bible—the way we can continue to grow.” I feel like growth is so important, but also very difficult, so it was neat to see so many people looking towards future growth and the ways that growth can happen.

Later that day I was attending a seminar that met in small groups with women from all over the world to talk about the role of women in the church. Conversation was facilitated in four different languages between women of polar opposite views. The conversations were controversial, but also inclusive and safe.

Time flew by and soon the time allotted for the seminar was up, but none of us wanted to leave. The woman who was leading the workshop invited us to stay for an impromptu Bible study to help make sense of everything we had talked about. This was an “a-ha” moment for me. My dream for the future was happening, only hours later. We as youth of the church came together, addressed a controversial issue and worked together, discerning a way for the future of the church to grow.

There was so much hope in that room that afternoon. We all left feeling connected. The differences were not important. The important thing was that we had learned to work together and took the first steps towards living together peacefully and initiating growth in the church. I am a small part of a movement of young people in the Mennonite church—a church that I feel is called to drastic change. We are headed in the right direction. A direction that brings equality between all people, and a place where God’s justice reigns. — Hannah Schrock

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I chose counseling as a ministry skill to focus on because it seems to be an integral skill of a pastor and one I also felt would be good to understand more, even for someone who is not a pastor, as he or she could apply it elsewhere in life. Cleo and I talked over what I had been learning and discussing in a psychology class at school. We went on to discuss methods, ideas, and strategies that he uses when he exercises this skill.

An application of this skill came much later and somewhat unexpectedly. I was asked to be a counselor at Camp Mennoscah. I was able to experience, along with the many others who counsel there, leading a group of young, energetic, sometimes bickering young children. It was a great experience in leadership. There was plenty of conflict mediation. I had to keep them occupied and on task as well as correct some behavior. It was wonderfully rewarding, though sometimes exasperating. It was wonderful first-hand experience with this ministry skill.  — Abram Rodenberg

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As I started studying prayer, I quickly realized how small my knowledge of prayer really is.  I learned how selfish my prayers are, and how often my prayers get sucked into this pattern of business that turns into me talking, and not letting God talk, which really isn’t prayer.  I learned how much of a two-way activity prayer is, which is why silence is needed in the practice of prayer.  And I also learned how many unique and even fun and relaxing ways there are to pray.  Although I wasn’t able to do my prayer journal everyday as I hoped, the routine that the prayer journal provided enabled me to truly realize how important prayer is for everyday life, especially ministry.

Praying did bring answered prayers.  Dwelling in prayer allowed me to open myself to God in ways that were refreshing and much needed for my personal walk and growth in Christ.  Prayer also allowed me to see others through Christ’s eyes in ways I previously hadn’t. — Alita Yoder

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